Make It Your Ambition...

A few days ago at work, I slipped down a bank and fell straight backwards. Standing up, I wondered what had just happened - it all happened so fast! My glasses still lay at the top of the bank so vision was fuzzy. I gathered my wits about me, brushed off the pine needles, and headed back in to work, feeling embarrassed, amused, but fine.

I woke the next morning and showered for work, drove there, and began the day's tasks. As the morning wore on, stiffness set in, which didn't surprise me. Then the sluggishness, then exhaustion. I drove home for lunch but didn't feel like eating once here. As my hour dwindled away, I sat in front of the computer, where I had come to check email, still not looking at email but still sitting.

As quickly as the words on the screen began to sway, so did the nausea arrive. I stood, grabbed the chair for support, and the world stilled for a minute. I went into the den and sat down, closed my eyes, and the world spun again. I called for my sister and told her, "I think I have a concussion" and she sprang into action, calling my manager to tell him I wouldn't be back and that we were heading to the Emergency Room.

I felt 'stilled' or 'steeled'; silent, uncaring, completely non-afraid and for once, not commenting on my sister's driving at all. I was aware that this was unusual, this feeling, yet wasn't alarmed and didn't care.

The hospital wait was minimal and everyone was kind. I felt foolish for taking up space in the ER when others appeared much sicker around me but realized I wasn't foolish for coming when two nurses held out their arms, told me to close my eyes, and walk toward them. The world spun again and thankfully, I felt strong arms support me instantly.

A CAT scan showed no fracture and no brain damage and the verbal diagnosis was 'Simple Concussion' yet when I looked at the discharge papers, they read, 'No Concussion'.

"What caused the sickness and dizziness, then?" I asked.

"You have a concussion!" replied the nurse.

I pointed to the papers and she smiled. "Oh that. It's just a printout for non-descript head injuries."

I hope this explanation is accepted as easily with my manager, but I have my doubts.

Back at home my sister ordered me on bedrest, same as the hospital's orders, only with more authority. I happily climbed into a recliner and pulled a lap blanket over me, remote control nearby. (Dizzy) queen of the world.

The next morning my sister had to go to work, but being a Saturday I was off, thank goodness. My orders were to ignore the dog and NOT MOVE unless absolutely necessary. Apparently the dog had gotten the same orders because she was unusually obedient, rarely asked to go outside, and spent the rest of her time spread across my lap - all 75 pounds of her - napping and preventing me from getting up.

This unexpected time-out caused me to think about things other than ordering supplies, what's for dinner, and whether or not I clocked in (or out). I should slow down, in many ways, and think about the direction my life is headed. Is this where I meant to be going? Is this God's direction for my life?

Thank you, Roxie-girl for being a good sick-companion and restraining officer. Good girl.

1 Thessalonians 4:12 Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anyone.

Be Still and Know

A few weeks ago during the pitch black of night, I woke to feel a warm nose pressing against the top of my hand. It was Roxie, of course, and she was standing at my bedside, nudging me into existence. I threw the covers back and pressed my feet to the cold wooden floor as she happily bounded from the room and ran toward the back door.

It was still dark out but the morning sky was nearing. Stars were in abundance and the air was damp and cool. Roxie ran down the ramp and leaped in circles on her leash like a bunny, sniffing fresh air and having a high old time.

"Pottie," I mumbled.

Roxie turned and walked a few feet, the length of her leash, then sat down and stared high up into the sky. Motionless.

"Pottie," I tried again.

Still, she sat. I could see her little nose twitching as she sniffed the fresh air, but her eyes never moved nor did her chin tilt downward. She was fixed on the heavens, deep brown eyes gazing from one star to the next.

We stood that way for at least ten minutes, both of us staring into the night sky. I'm not sure what Roxie was thinking but I was thanking God for puppies who make us stop and think on Him, even if they have to force us to do it in the middle of the night.

"Look," Roxie might have said, "I know you had a busy day. Working, cooking, playing with me, cleaning a little, and then some time returning emails. I didn't want to wake you but seriously, when would you have stopped to consider the universe and its Creator?"

And so she sat and I stood, looking at the heavens and just *being still and knowing*.

Aggie, a Lamb of God

Back in September (about the time the blog began, then stalled), I went to Virginia for "a couple of weeks" to be with baby Greyson until he either learned to walk or turned a year old - either one of which was requirement for attending his new day school. He learned to walk in pretty short order and even began attending the new school, but I couldn't bring myself to leave him until January. By then, I think his mom and dad were seriously considering eviction procedures.

What a time it was. We had always refered to me as Grammie or Grandma, never giving any thought to a proper name as a grandmother since he had no occasion to call me. I was pretty much beside him all the time. But one morning when I woke early and he was still asleep, I crept downstairs to make coffee while it was still dark. The baby monitor was on and I checked the volume and took it with me to watch the news. Noticing the red volume lights perk up, I held it closer to hear a tiny voice calling from upstairs.

"Aggie?" the voice called.

"Aaaggiiee" again.

Rushing up the stairs I opened the door to find Grey standing in his crib waiting for me. A huge smile broke as he shouted, "Aggie!"

And so I am no longer Jan or Mom or even Hey You. Offically, I am Aggie and the world is now seen through Aggie's eyes.

It made me think of life, Lord, and of course, Roxie. I call her Roxie, Babydoll, Honey, Sugarplum, whatever sweet comes to mind is her name. She runs to me happily because she recognizes the love in my voice regardless of what I'm saying.

What mother, in public, hasn't lost her breath when a child several aisles over cries, "Mommy!" even when said mothers' children are off at college or have children of their own? Names are important. They stick with us as the roles we play and as our own identity.

God is God, Master, I Am, Christ, King, Father, Saviour, and at least a page of other names. But I call him whatever sweet comes to mind at the time. He comes to me happily because He recognizes the love in my voice regardless of what I'm saying.

And He knows me by name. Like Roxie and Greyson, may I always run to Him because I recognize His loving voice.

I'm Into Jesus

Recently I opened a Facebook account. It's a neat way to keep up with family and friends and see newest photos of all. There are blanks to be filled in for political preference, career, favorite reading material, movies, and religion. That's where I hit a snag.

Revealing that you're a Baptist, grew up that way and lo and behold, proud of it, sometimes brings uncomfortable silence for a minute or so, followed by, "Oh. That's, nice." You know very well an episode of Springer is reeling through their mind.

Just like chocolate, there are many flavors of Baptists and our sanctuary was the mild milky kind, unlike the 70% cacao where running, shouting, and an occasional reptile is present.

My Boxer pup, Roxie, is a mix of colors referred to as Brindle. She is as sweet and loving as a lab with a new frisbee but I can't count the number of times people have taken a first glance and said, "Wow, beautiful Pit Bull!" Roxie and I just look at each other.

So back to Facebook. After a moment's hesitation, I heard DC Talk playing in my head and knew the correct answer. The Pit Bull of Saviours. The King of Kings. The 100% cacao Lord of Lords.

"I'm into Jesus."

Goofy, Floppy, Bible in Motion

Roxie is a Boxer puppy and often, a walking, bumbling, goofy, audio Bible, since spending time with her always brings God and His words to my mind.

Walking from room to room I can always count on my canine shadow. If I wake at 3 a.m. and want a drink of water, Roxie rouses from warm puppy sleep and pads to the kitchen beside me. Always placing devotion for me ahead of her own desires, she is a living lesson in dedicated, true love. Oh that I were as dedicated a Christian.